Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Engaging vs enabling

My new favorite phrase, delivered by the smartest woman I know: If someone is crazy all by themselves, you don't have to help them by engaging in their crazy with them.

What, is that fifteen words, maybe? I'll let you count while I rave on. My life was literally CHANGED by that sentence. I have been struggling with how to not engage with Mr. Hate without enabling him to continue to treat me so poorly. And there it is. If I am just matter of fact and make my point and then get outta there, I have done my job. His reaction, his batshit, his rewrite of history is none of my business. And if I have enough anecdotal or historical evidence to support a theory that his crazy is gonna be all over something, I don't have to say anything at all. And that does not equal enabling. It is self-protection, and it is an action. It is the active choice not to act, not to do the dance that we have done for years, for eons, to death, because I choose not to do that dance anymore. Of course he needs me to yell, to send hateful emails, to do all the things I would have done in the past. If he can demonize me, than he can rationalize to himself what he has done. If I am crisp, professional, and follow through in a completely rational manner, his crazy will no doubt go on a rage, but that is his issue, and not mine.

SOMEbody got her $20 out of HER copay today, for true.


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