Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Thanks, Ben

The morning hadn't gone well, that is for sure. Rushing out the door, ponytail = shower, pop tart, crappy music on the radio. No calamaties, just a bunch of tiny reminders that I had nothing under adult control, and almost all of my choices so far had been less than stellar.

Worked for a few hours with one of my favorite students, but I could tell, as we neared lunch time, that his spirits were low.

"What's up, Benny?"
"I have to eat lunch alone today. My mom has an appointment and I am going to be here alone."
"Ben, would you like it if I came back early from my lunch to hang out with you?"
"Yes Annie!"

Ben calls me Annie when we are pretending to be the lead characters from Annie Get Your Gun. He likes that, and it makes me smile.

Booked home at 12 to let the dogs out, deep throated a chicken wrap sandwich, printed out the script I will need for tonight's drama class, and raced back to the office.

And there was my dear Ben. Curled up on the couch, looking low. He perked up when I came in, and when I asked him if he would like to go outside for a bit, he looked thrilled.

Even though he is technically an adult, still we are not allowed to leave the center grounds. So we played football in the parking lot. I was wearing a skirt. My stomach was none too thrilled with the hasty arrival of the previously mentioned sandwich. It was chillier than I thought out there. Sigh.

Within seconds, Ben had me laughing as he coached my football throwing techniques (he knows what he is talking about too - I got a lot better!). Shoes off, ponytail in the wind, laughing as we did touchdown dances and whooped it up. Sun bright, not so chilly now from all the running about, faces shining.

And just like that, Ben cheered me up as much as I cheered him up. Living in a glorious moment, who cares if the rest of it doesn't get done.

Thanks Ben. You have taught me so much.

Monday, October 10, 2011

One step forward. And then another one....

Just when I was doing so well. Just when I was starting to breathe. Just a little breath, not a big one.

Tell me, where can I go that he can't hurt me anymore? Where can I go where his toxic fingers won't reach me, freezing me with his illness, his lying, his....slime?

Tell me, Lord, and I will go. I will so gladly go.

Save me, my dearest, most beloved Lord, save me from him and all he ruins. Keep me out of his path of destruction, bullying, hatred.  Keep me safe, and spare the children.

I will go Lord. I promise that I will.
Show me. Save me. Help me.