from sermon 49 of Leo the Great (February 21, 443)
My Pastor, who is a great, great lady, sent out the above as part of a Lenten devotional series she put together. I have to admit, I really struggled with the grammar and the content here, especially that weird "not less dangerous" part. But I parsed it and read it and got there in the end. Lots of heady stuff.
I have definitely been full of the white whine lately. Even though right now I am in a period of skinny cows, I realize, as I read this, that I am still surrounded by cows that are fatter than 80% of the world, and I should be a LOT more grateful than I have been. I realize that I spend so much time railing against Mr. Hate for leaving us so poor, and not enough time thanking God for the things I do have. A shift in my energies in this direction is certainly required. My longer-divorced friends tell me that eventually I will not even raise an eyebrow when I hear news of the ex. What a relief that will be! For now he still has the power to get under my skin, and I am tired, oh so unbelievably tired, of him, and his lies and his drama, and their effect on me. Enough now, enough! A mind set of gratitude, forward thinking, and joy will be so much more productive and just.....better.
And yes, there is a trap in security. A big one. I lure myself into believing all the anxieties I have keep me "safe" and I guess in some ways they do, but they also keep me hidden. I don't take chances like I used to, I don't run at life the way I used to, and I never audition anymore. What happened to the girl who would have SLEPT on stage given a chance, and desperately waited for the Phoenix to come out every week so she could read the auditions list? Theatre has been a huge part of my life since I arrived on this earth, and I have left it neglected for years now, because I grew too afraid to be on stage. How sad.
There is work to be done. Sigh. And....I'm off!