Wednesday, March 23, 2011

I'm Floored!

Dig me! I put a new floor down in my bedroom this week. Is it perfect? Nope. Am I in love with it? YES! I am ridiculously proud of myself for getting this accomplished, and so well at that. It was yet another one of Mr. Hate's "I will get to it" items, and although we lived here for 12 years, it remained just industrial grade plywood with scraps of mismatched carpet stuck to it. Feh. I figured I would just live with it, but slowly I realized that I needed something....nicer. As I grow into this house, my home now, I need it to reflect ME. What I love, what the kids and I want to see. This once was my marriage bed, and now it's just mine. So I needed to take ownership of the space. I must admit, the freedom to choose what I wanted to have in here was intoxicating. No arguments in the Home Depot aisle, no snide comments about my taste. Just me. Mine to choose, mine to install, mine to live with, no matter the outcome.

After 20 years of always hearing what I did wrong, how I had disappointed, I did this work, and it is good. It was quite challenging in places, and I needed One's help more than once, especially to move the furniture, but I stuck it out, and I am totally in love with how it looks. Warm, shiny, and smooth. I still have a few spots under the register to finish, and finish them I will. And it won't take 12 years either.

I didn't spend a whole lot of time listening to the little grumpy thought gnomes that kept popping up to screech at me, either. This is MAJOR, and I feel the strain of flexing new muscles. (I also feel the agonized strain of stretching my old muscles as well, and my knees look like Monica Lewinski's). I am learning a new way to talk to myself, to believe in myself, and to trust the decisions I make.

The fact that my children saw me doing this project is critical. They need to believe in me too. Perhaps some day they will remember me doing this, and feel encouraged to face their own tough projects. They even helped, some. Third looked on with admiration as I used the jigsaw, hammered the pieces into place; saw my pleasure with my job well done. I want my children to learn to be pleased when they have done something well. I want them to feel pride at their accomplishments, and to be brave enough to try something outside of what they think they can do.

And I will tell them they did it well. I hope they believe it.