Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Unbreak my Heart.....

Valentine's Day. Oh, tra la. I was not at all enthusiastic about the holiday this year. I am desperately trying not to become a bitter old bar fly (avoiding all bars at all times is helping!) but I would be lying if I said I was anything less than sad, yesterday.

I think perhaps knowing he had someone to celebrate with yesterday made it smart a bit more. Someone got a card, and flowers, (do the gays do that?) and maybe even breakfast on a tray, or at least a card and a bud vase next to the bed. Someone got them, from the man who used to give them to me. And that is sad. I don't even want to think about what else they exchanged yesterday....except that I just did.

I know my marriage was doomed. I know that. I don't wish that Mr. Hate had kept his secret to himself, and stayed married to me. But this is, hard. I loved him, once. I really, really did.

"Well," I thought to myself, "at least I have the children. I will have a nice Valentine's night with them, and it will be fun for us to be together." Yeah. Keep dreaming, there, Donna Reed. One never came home, never even texted or called to say where he was. AND he regifted the chocolates I gave him. (TA for that!). Second and Third were there, and squabbled incessantly for the duration of our time together.

And NONE of them even handed me so much as a piece of notebook paper with a hand-written "Happy Valentine's Day!" on it. What the hell? What important message have I failed to teach them, that they could disregard me so summarily? It would be entirely too easy to say they are just following the example they were taught by ....oh, gee, WHOM? That's way too easy. *I* live with these kids, day to day. *I* am their role model now. And how have I drifted so far from the track that my kids are THAT selfish and self-absorbed? I spent almost THREE HOURS helping One make a gift for his girlfriend on Sunday. Surely I had earned a mention as well?

One is straight up grounded. I don't care WHAT day it is, Pet. You were MIA for almost 6 hours, and we have had that particular discussion, more than once, and you just FAIL. Enjoy your week at home. Second and Third know I was hurt, and I did receive a guilt card that Third handed me before bed. It would have worked, too, but she just HAD to add "Here, I made this card for Dad, but we are giving it to you, instead." Are you KIDDING me with this?

But I said "Thank you" just the same, because that is what you do, to model good behavior.

Happy Valentine's Day. Feh.

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