Example: walked out of the house last night and was greeted by a flat tire on the car. Whee. Things like that are SUCH an interruption, aren't they? But really, I was quite lucky - I was home, everyone that needed to be somewhere was there, First let me borrow his car to drive Third to her game, and on the whole, no harm, no foul.
I didn't even address it last night. Have the day off, so I figured I would get around to changing it and then drive over to the dealership later today and get it straightened out. I was so stuck on the idea that I was going. to. put. the. spare. on. myself. Except that -- I couldn't. Could NOT get that stoopid locked bolt thing to turn, even the slightest bit. So I had to call AAA in the end anyway. And the guy changed it in two seconds, and life went on.
Here's how the Greek chorus in my head sounded:
I am woman, hear me roar!
This is NOT TURNING
God, please help me do this....I need to stand on my own two feet...
Of course you can't do this! You are a pathetic cartoon, call AAA already, like you are supposed to
I don't have any money to tip the guy, and he is going to hate me
Call AAA already, of course YOU can't change a tire!
The AAA guy is going to laugh when he sees how I tried to do it
Everyone is going to laugh at you - you suck at this. If you weren't such a fat, out of shape, goofball, it would be done by now.
I called AAA. And seeing it now, written out, I am getting a hint at why people might say I am rather hard on myself. I think the biggest question is why I hesitated calling AAA in the first place. I paid for the service, why not use it? Why did I want to do it myself so badly? Why do I think there is some inherent cool factor in doing stuff like this myself?
And why do I allow that Greek chorus to go on striping me? I wish I knew how to shut them off. It's like a double bind now. I hate how I feel when I listen to them, and I hate myself more because I put them there and have yet to figure out how to shut them off.