Showing posts with label therapy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label therapy. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Engaging vs enabling

My new favorite phrase, delivered by the smartest woman I know: If someone is crazy all by themselves, you don't have to help them by engaging in their crazy with them.

What, is that fifteen words, maybe? I'll let you count while I rave on. My life was literally CHANGED by that sentence. I have been struggling with how to not engage with Mr. Hate without enabling him to continue to treat me so poorly. And there it is. If I am just matter of fact and make my point and then get outta there, I have done my job. His reaction, his batshit, his rewrite of history is none of my business. And if I have enough anecdotal or historical evidence to support a theory that his crazy is gonna be all over something, I don't have to say anything at all. And that does not equal enabling. It is self-protection, and it is an action. It is the active choice not to act, not to do the dance that we have done for years, for eons, to death, because I choose not to do that dance anymore. Of course he needs me to yell, to send hateful emails, to do all the things I would have done in the past. If he can demonize me, than he can rationalize to himself what he has done. If I am crisp, professional, and follow through in a completely rational manner, his crazy will no doubt go on a rage, but that is his issue, and not mine.

SOMEbody got her $20 out of HER copay today, for true.

Word.