Time Managment! The Musical

Hello again. Wow, time management is the topic of the week for me, it seems. I am just not doing a very good job being me this week. What is it that makes the internet so addicting, or the book so good, or the nap so compelling, that I am willing to toss aside better choices to wallow in things that may gratify for the moment, but add no value to my actual day?

Why is it that I can know I need to get x things done in y time, but self sabotage myself just enough to make sure that it just doesn't happen? What is this need I have to flagellate myself for things not done? Is this masochism? Some innate belief that I just don't deserve a clean house, or a tidy desk, or to be on time, or what have you? Or am I just lazy?

It's too easy to excuse myself with a shrug and an "oh, ADD, you got me again!"

I want my life to be more than just lived. I want to know that at the end of the day I have done more than gotten the high score on whatever visual salt lick has me in it's grasp at the moment. I want to be proud of myself for the things I have accomplished, the infrastructures I have in place, the pieces of paper I HAVE'NT lost this time, the accounts paid in full, the appointments not missed. I want to be a functioning adult. I understand that sometimes these things just happen, and the stocks and flogging may not be necessary every time. But gawd almighty, I am looking at four days on my own and a looming New Year's Eve party that I am looking forward to having, and welcome. So why am I sitting here lolling in cyberspace, when there are things to do, lists to make, toilets to swish and swipe?

Could it simply that cleaning the house is just too effing boring? wah wah wah. Be glad you have a house to clean and pick it up already. Could I maybe just once shut off the eternal soundtrack of my less than spotless mind and not berate myself for the mess existing in the first place, but instead hurrah myself over each room that I conquer? That would be a nice change.

How's about I attempt to welcome in 2011 with a new soundtrack. That might be the best house cleaning maneuver of all!

Where did I leave the mental floss?

Time Management

Oh, it's fun to have ADD! Isn't it? While there are many challenges, there are supposed to be many blessings as well. The literature will say adults with ADD are more creative, have great ideas, can multi-task, yadda yadda yadda - I can't help but feel they say these things to make us feel better. I quote Alanis: "It's like rain, on your wedding day..."

I have another day free, not being on the work schedule until the afternoon today. And like home owners around the world, everywhere my eye falls I see something that needs doing. But where to begin? Yes I make lists, Yes, I follow Flylady, (www.flylady.net) albeit loosely, and have a host of other structures in place to help me. But where to begin? I look around and already feel overwhelmed -- another hallmark of ADD. The Greek chorus splits on this one. Half of them stand to the side and twist their togas in frustration whilst chanting "JUST START" at me, whilst the other half is dancing in glee singing "we knew she couldn't do it!" Gotta send them to the Middle East to work on peace solutions or something.....

But starting is important, and start I shall. I love the feeling of getting things done, don't you? That feeling when I am lying in bed at the end of the day and know that the house/town/planet is maybe just a little better off than it was in the morning, because I was good at being me that day. I managed my time, got things done, was a big ol' grownup, and didn't mess it up, just for that one day.

Maybe just for today, that will be enough. I will be enough. Maybe just for today I will not spend my time before sleep berating myself for the coulda/shoulda/wouldas, but will make the choice to celebrate what was finished, or at least worked on, and give myself a pass on those things left undone for one more day. None of it is life threatening, after all.

Could it be I am finally going easier on myself?

Stay tuned!